Self Respect, Confidence and Worth - Returning to Your Greatest Self is through Vulnerability
I’ve been feeling unconnected to prayer
I know this is the most meaningful way to connect
I know the power of it
Why is my yetzer hara/evil inclination so strong?
Afraid of the power, bc it’s super powerful, but also -
It’s afraid of you building self respect - self respect and self confidence comes from you doing the right thing that you know you need to do. You can respect yourself, because you are making good choices! Confidence comes from your own internal world- true confidence is true acknowledgment of your self worth, not from anyone saying anything or praising you or any of your successful accomplishments. Many externally successful people are very not confident! True confidence comes from yourself - if you think you are a good person. And if you make good choices, it’s easier to respect yourself. Confidence also comes from when you do mess up, not bashing yourself. Because bashing yourself leads to low self confidence, low self esteem, and poor self image. The ability to tell yourself - I messed up, and it’s not ok, but I am ok, and I will do better- that is true self confidence. Even if other people tell you those same words- it doesn’t matter unless they come from you telling that to yourself. After all, it’s really our own validation we’re looking for the most. We crave a kind loving voice in our minds that speaks to us - and if we don’t have it inside us, if our internal voice is critical and negative, we’ll seek external sources to hear positive things about ourselves to make us feel better. You can’t be dependent on other peoples praise for your self confidence. When they don’t praise you, or worse when they beat you down - then what? Then you are in the mire of despair and destruction. (I call mine the Rain-cave).
The voice in your head is what will make you feel good about yourself, make you feel confident. And your internal self that hears that voice is very receptive to truth. Fake words it won’t accept. It might, you might, but that’s when delusion, excuses, denial, rationalization and arrogance seeps in. “But it’s fine for me- im different”.
We’ve all been there.
It has to be honest, and real. If we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can we ever a, love ourselves, or feel confident about ourselves! True Love is accepting the whole package, and you need honesty to accept the whole package.
So often look at other people and feel jealous and why don’t I do that? Why can’t I have that- I wanted it so badly and knew I could- why didn’t i?
Investing in yourself and your interests
Starts with figuring out what you do like to do
We can’t fake our selves and trick ourselves - has to be organic and natural process of actually enjoying it
It’s not actually enjoyable to sit on YouTube for hours and watch other peoples lives
I know I’ve done it
We do it bc we don’t know what WE want in our lives
First step is figuring out what you want
Second step is begging hashem to make it happen, realizing that you really really want it
and then once you get to the place of really really wanting it and really asking hashem to make it happen and talking about it like it’s your dream you will make it happen and hashem will help you.
It starts from stopping focusing on other people outside yourself and listening in to your soul's voice, the small quiet voice inside you- and listening to what it wants, and then doing that.
It takes quieting of the intake to be able to hear what your soul is saying. Stop taking in so much - keep taking in good content (your souls will know the difference) and start listening. Stop talking so much and start listening. You have all the answers.
It’s that they have clarity
. And they follow the clarity
And the fact that they push themselves to follow it gives them self respect
self respect creates self love
But I also have to be operating from a place that even if I were to accomplish nothing, even if every person were to hate me, if I were to kill a million people be the worst person in the world - I have internal worthiness.
There’s a song by Nechama Cohen - you give me another chance today though I’ve failed your faith in me makes me believe
If we’re here - we’re here for a reason. We can’t let the evil inclination stop us from accomplishing our secret goals and dreams, or even tiny desires like praying three times a day. We need to respect ourselves by keeping the promises we make to ourselves - for ourselves. Even if we’re not in the mood. This is for me. Most of the things we do are to benefit ourselves - but with the goal of getting to the higher ideal level of just doing it to benefit others. Ie, I'm recording this because i have a goal to record a podcast. It’s my personal goal. But behind that goal is a deep desire to share my story, share my soul, share my experiences in the hope that it will empower just one person.
I’ve recently learned from the vulnerability sessions from Rabbi Perez Segals mind movers podcast that the rambam, a prestigious rabbi holds that true repentance and returning back to your original great self after a sin is to publicly discuss the details of what happened. This all hit very connected because I listened to an episode of “that’s an issue by Living L’chaim” with Eli Nash, and watched his viral Ted talk, and listened to some of his podcast “in search of more”. I was so impressed by his complete openness and honesty, the strength of character and true knowledge of his self worth that he didn’t care what people thought of - he had a mission and a drive to help people through his story - it wasn’t about him - it was about how he could help people, and it happened to be through helping people his personal struggles and story were discussed. His openness and willingness to share his issues, problems and troubles is what helped people- by removing the shame. By being Vulnerable and sharing your story- you remove the shame. Which is probably why the maimonities said over 1000 years ago that to truly recover from your sin you have to publicly discuss it
So much food for thought. We all have so much shame inside over things we’ve done. And we can’t imagine ever discussing it. Maybe if we were to tap into that me sharing this will help alleviate someone else’s shame will motivate us to share our stories - because confidence and leadership is outwards forcused. Cowardly behavior and self insecurity is all inward. What will they think of me? What will i be perceived as? I will loose my image! All low self esteem. True self confidence knows nothing can change my worthiness as a person, nothing I’ve done, no mistake I’ve made, and it doesn’t matter how people see me. I know who I am. I see myself. And I see that I have a call to lead. To share. It doesn’t matter what i share and how it will effect me- it matters how what i share will effect OTHERS - for the good, and then, only then, will I truly be healed.