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It Never Gets Easier

There's a mountain of laundry to be sorted, an entire house to clean, three little boys to entertain and take care of, and the shaky fear inside stopping me from embarking on projects I really want to do. Yet I am practicing compassion. "She'hechazarta bi Nishmasi... B'chemla raba emunasecha", WITH compassion you return my soul to Me, we tell GD every morning. "modeh ani lefanecha". I THANK YOU, i stand before you to THANK YOU. "Melech chai vikayam"- Living and existing king. You are above and beyond all my petty and immature outbursts towards You as I blame You for all the irritations of my life. As I angrily curse out Gd and the world during a difficult bedtime, I am disappointed in myself and how I am acting, yet it's a comfort to know the next morning in the aftermath of my internal rage at Gd, "Melech chai Vikayam" - My Gd is living, existing, and way greater than my petty anger towards Him for circumstances out of my control. Remember, anger is ego- thinking you can control things. Thinking things have to go our way... this one simple phrase I get to be reminded of every morning is the solvent to all my problems if I truly think about it. "She'hechazarta bi Nishmasi" - You've returned my soul to me", you obviously still want me here. i haven't messed up enough to not merit waking up again the next morning. you've given me life for another day, You give me another chance because I haven't failed. I may have lost a battle, but I have not lost the war. "B'CHEMLA" - with compassion - Gd, you show me compassion day in and day out despite all my flaws. I am inspired to mimic You and practice compassion to myself and to others. "... Raba EmunaTecha"- You have great faith in me. Gd, you have faith in me. i haven't messed up enough. You believe i can get better and I will be better. You believe i am needed, and that's why I am here. Thank you for having faith in me! I love how this simple acknowledgment of Gd having faith in us we said every morning as children would prove to be so instrumental to us as adults having to rebuild ourselves each day after the mistakes of yesterday. On Parshat Shemot, On the Shiur on Torahanytime Rabbi Ari Bensoussan says the beauty of Judaism is relearning everything you were taught simplistically as a child in a way that applies to you right now. The torah is so deep, it is so powerful and the actual inner reality of the entire world - that it will apply always to everything, at every stage. Cycles upon cycles... how else could we learn the same book again, year after year, each torah reading another week, year after year after year?!?

Because it's depth is unlimited. it's a piece of Hashem, who is unlimited. you have a piece of infinity inside YOU, which means you are unlimited as well. We can do anything. It's only up to us to do it. No one will do it for you, and it never gets any easier.

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