I Wish You Knew Your Worth

Just repeating that line over and over in my head gives me a thrill. I have worth. I have worth?! What a treat. How exciting. How lucky. Wow. I have worth. I am good. I am worthy. The words taste strange in my mouth and sound strange in my mind. Why is it that we live in a world where the most AMAZING people are not sure of their worth!? It is almost a paradox - the greater the person, the greater they struggle with these feelings of unworthiness. How hard. So frustrating. What a paradox. Maybe great people don’t have ego. Don’t be arrogant. I want to become great, and I know I can't get there in a day. But it takes consistency. And building consistent struggle muscle. Being willing to put myself through potential failure. Time and time and time again and again and again. I am so afraid, so afraid of feeling and looking vulnerable. I am so afraid of what people will think of me, and how they will judge me. I am so afraid that they will think I am lame, weird, not sincere, unprofessional, doing too many things, shouldn't be doing this, wasting my time, boring, uninteresting. The list goes on and on and on and on. But one thing that I do know - this is my calling. This is my why - this is my passion, my fire, my drive, my desire. I have a burning desire to SHARE. To Share deep ideas with the world. Every time I stray from that deep desire, I feel the pain. I feel the dissonance. I feel discord. I want to be true to my desires. But I want it to be real and organic. And that is why, dear reader, I am sharing this with you. Because I want to be as real as I possibly can. I abhor fakeness. It cannot exist within my life. I will fake things to myself - fake that I have energy when I don't, or that I am happy and ok when I am not. I can trick myself, in order to be my best self. But I cannot and will not trick the world. I am someone that stands for truth, I need authenticity to ring from my bones, scream out of my essence. I need the world to know my name, not for attention, not for glory, not for pride or ego, but because I have something to give to the world. Something the world needs so desperately, so badly, that I am here. Why else would I be here? I have something so important to give to the world that I must be big. I must achieve greatness. I do not have a choice. Not for me, but because there is me. Why else would I be here? Some mornings I ask myself that, some nights I go to sleep wondering if there is a purpose to me waking up if I am not living the purpose to be waking up to. If I am not fulfilling my role, my job, my ripple, what is the point? If I don't feel fulfilled, or that I am using any of my talents, why am I here? Anyone can do what I have been doing, yet no one can do what I could be doing. Sometimes the growth comes from specifically that, from NOT using anything you think you are good at, and then you will notice the desire you do have to do that - the yearning that the lack created. And it will show you just how important it is. All I want to do is share the ideas I am passionate about. I just want to share what I love. I deeply love learning and growing. I want to know that I am making a difference. I am impacting people. People are inspired. Not BY me, but through me being frank and transparent about what I am going through - so you can relate and grow with me. Join me. Be with me. I hear you, I see you. I understand, I get it. I’ve been there. I am there. I am getting through it. I haven’t made it over. Stories are great, thoughts are nice, data is important, but what people are looking for is heart. So here is my heart world. I hope you are inspired to share yours.