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I Cried Tonight

I cried tonight

And I am not embarrassed to share it

I cried tonight

Upon my sleeves I'll proudly bear it.

Life feels so hard

At the edge out of the comfort zone

Stretching happens

Muscles tear

Growth occurs

I cried tonight

Big hulking giant sobs

Tears heaving through my body

As the emotions came in mobs

I cried tonight

And mourned the self I'm not

Yet through those tears I realized

I'm the only me I've got

If I don't comfort me, who will?

If I don't take care of me, who will?

If I don't stand up for myself,

אם אין אני לי מי לי?

Who will?

No one else hears the negative voices in my head

No one else can protect me from my assumptions, thoughts, and beliefs?

I cried tonight

And I am proud I cried right through it

No more stifling down

Suppressing feelings

Pretending like we're fine

I cried tonight

And am not embarrassed in the least

I cried tonight

And feel finally now at peace.


We're not going to end the blog post there, that's a bit to intense even for me! Poetry can be so soothing for the soul and such a beautiful way to tangibly express feelings and emotions. Like singing your heart out to "Jealous" by labyrinth, or "before you go"/ "someone you loved" by Lewis Capaldi. Ahhh the classics. Music is a level beyond the unreal... ❤️ My heart feels so full now from crying out all my emotions, and I feel I have closure now that I encapsulated them into a blog post. Go cry your emotions out girl. Tears have never felt so good. Just like people say sweat sessions feel good- you feel so alive and your body feels rockin- tears are to the soul as sweat is to the body. Ahhh it feel so cleansing to release all your inner fears, limited beliefs, emotions and so much more... when you cry usually if you are being honest you quickly get to the root of the problem. It may be sparked by something minor or insignificant, but that unlocked the flood gates and there go all the deep core emotions of loneliness, abandonment, frustration, fear, you name it, it's the big ones. Those are all hiding behind the tears of not getting the right Starbucks order. And although I am not a Starbucks orderer kind of person - I do have this exact story! When my son Noam was to be taken in for his second major surgery, once he was in the operating room, they then called me back and said they could not do it today as his oxygen levels were too low, and it would be too much of a risk preforming a major surgery if his breathing wasn't 100%. (I still tear up as I write this when I remember the fear I had at the time for my little baby to undergo a huge surgery ) So after months or preparation and months of fear, psyching myself up to get to that very day, to be as mentally ready as I was, it was not to be. The surgery would be 6 antagonizing long weeks later. There was nothing I could do. In a daze, I got out into the lobby surgery waiting room, WITH my baby, and got back to the main floor in shock. I called my husband and told him to come get me. It's not happening, I said... oxygen levels too low... I was in such a state of shock and numb disbelief. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even say anything to the chat of all my family friends and community members who would begin Tehillim at the moment of surgery and not stop completing Tehillim until he was safe and out of the OR. I remember my mom posting on the chat that it was postponed because I had only the strength to text her the basic details..... I ordered a coffee at the kiosk, which I hoped would cheer me up and give me strength. A yummy, hot, chai, latte to warm my insides from this frozen numb state. The lady at the check out who took my order rolled her eyes as I debated to add a second flavor or not. She returned to me with a frozen Frappuccino. I said, "i am so sorry, i had ordered a hot drink..." to which she snarled at me - "YOU SAID THE ICEY LATTE", I stumbled over my words and said, "is it possible to switch it? I didnt realize- " and she grabbed the drink back, dumped it out on the sink behind her and slammed the cup down. I do not exaggerate. It was then the tears burst. I fled from the kiosk out the sliding hospital doors and into Ezra's car, and started crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I was releasing all my pent up fear, anxiety, stress, confusion, irritation, bewilderment and pure sadness and not being able to just get this dreaded thing over with, so I did not have to worry one more night about my baby under the knife, undergoing a surgery. I cried and cried, and cried some more. I cried from the shock and the suddenness, and I cried that it wouldn't be over with. After all my crying, I felt grateful to that lady who unlocked that dam within me and released all that was from with in. But yes, I also did call the manager and say that I thought she should be fired for treating parents of hospitalized kids like that.

Cheers to a tear filled weekend, filled with tears of joy, laughter, delight and love.

All my heart,


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