חשון the month of cheshvan

I have a notes file on my phone of all the details about me. My strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, my why, my mission, my passions, hobbies.... the ones you should build the deepest relationship with is yourself, and often we don't even know ourselves very well or at all. I don't think I know myself as well as I'd like at all yet although I am trying! The force is strong with this one. (Force=evil inclination)


These are my notes from that file on the month of cheshvan, which is my birthday month. There are things that are fixed about us, like when we were born and those help us learn about ourselves as well.


To sum all the notes slightly, although you are more than welcome to scroll through all the sources and notes as well (that's what i would do) I would put cheshvan like this. I hope to have a deeper and greater knowledge by the time cheshvan rolls around next year!


Cheshvan is the time to put in the work, the hard work, and although your not seeing results, you know things are happening. It's time to get gritty. Fight evil. It's not a month or give in, it's a month to push and fight excuses and insecurities. Build a habit and do it. I finally understood my name Pasuk (the pasuk that starts with the same letter of your Hebrew name (ר for raina) and ends in the same last letter as your name ריינה) in regards to this explanation of cheshvan . "רגזו ואל תחטאו אמרו בלבבכם על משכבכם ודמו סלה״ "tremble and sin not, say it in your heart, on your bed, and be still. - praise"


Radak explains this pasuk as - fear gd and don't sin, think in your heart, say in your heart on your bed where you have pure intentions away from the demands of the world, and don't rebel (be still)


He also and quotes the Maimonides(rambam): "our master Moses ben Maimon, has explained (Guide for the Perplexed, Bk. 1:50, 59) that this verse commands men of intelligence and reputation to recognise the truth and the praise of God in their hearts, so that no error of speech shall overtake them."


Once i learned more about cheshvan being about grittiness and doing it anyways and pushing through to establish and build a routine/habit/pattern/choice - it made sense because i never connected with trembling. I always figured it was just the ideal i would have to work up to and change myself into someone with trembling and fear of serving gd. It's not a deep part of me or how i connect to serving Gd. However, i learned that tremble means tremble with indignation, and let that righteous fury fuel you to not sin. HOW DARE THE YETER HARA TRY TO STOP ME FROM ACCOMPLISHING MY POTENTIAL!!! AHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHH!!! THAT BBBBBBGJFSKWJRHBEJSBSHEH !! I WILL NOT SIN, i will be the best mitzvah doer in the world!!! Of course he will find different ways. But this is step one.


It rings true for me personally, but you will do your own work to discover your own name pasuk and what it means for you. Usually there is a list in the back of Siddurim, and you will have a pasuk for each Hebrew name if you have two! I love it how we have secret clues into who we are even from our names. So much torah. So much good.



Back to cheshvan:



From mom:

"Cheshvan - in darkness, falling, cant see, but knowing the unknown is good, and underground under the surface is for a purpose too (seed rotting to sprout)"


Scorpio/Water Sign

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.atlantajewishtimes.com/watery-cheshvan/amp/



The letter Nun: scorpions tail ready to strike


The intestines: things must be cleansed and expressed


Menashe: the ability to turn darkness into light


https://www.aish.com/jl/hol/hm/The_Bitter_Month.html?mobile=yes

The death of rachel was the birth of Binyamin: that the exile itself is that which births the redemption. The descent into darkness creates the potential for the future light. 


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.atthewellproject.com/blog//spiritual-energy-of-chesvan%3fformat=amp

Cheshvan is when the real work begins,… (where) we honor those intentions and take the first steps towards making them real. Cheshvan is designed to give us the time to let ourselves experience the challenges of  the muck also known as our humanity.


Cheshvan asks us to have faith, to find time for engage in  personal reflection, to gauge our progress, and (mud)wrestle with spiritual growth. Cheshvan was not designed to be easy or comfortable or even ecstatic in its discomfort, as Tishrei was. This month, have faith. Plant your lotus flower, and grow towards the light.


https://www.torahmystic.com/wisdom-rosh-chodesh-cheshvan

the new moon of Cheshvan serves as a seed of protection, similar to water surrounding a fetus in the womb or the healing waters of a mikveh. We can convert the energy of "Mar" and the bitterness associated with the flood, into that of healing and protection


חשון

In the spelling we see the letters Ayin and Bet literally surrounding the Kof and Resh in the word. Ayin Bet has the numerical value of 72 - connecting us to the energy and protection of the 72 names of G-d. Kof Resh or Kar, means cold. We see how the word for Scorpio, has the 72 names surrounding and driving away the cold


Dalet created the Planet Mars and comes from the Hebrew word Dalut - or poverty. When a person feels lack or poverty, they have a tendency to have a hunger for power and desire to achieve and accomplish


Nefilah - to fall. It is within the act of falling that we are able to rise again, letting us know we must always face challenges head on in life. When taken together, Dalet and Nun spell Din, which means judgment. When judgement is combined with the mercy and Light received through the water from the flood, we can experience great amounts of healing and protection


Convert the darkness and perceived bitter attributes of the month by infusing judgment with mercy.



https://www.google.com/amp/s/kabalicastrology.com/2015/08/20/astrology-and-kabbalah/amp/

Tiferet-Netzach = cheshvan



https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_views_on_astrology

Gevura - mars



https://www.librarything.com/topic/10037

Aryeh- water


Raina's sum up: cheshvan is very primal because it's a water sign, the flood happened, and our world started as a water world (

https://www.alephbeta.org/playlist/ark-of-the-covenant-and-noahs-ark)


I think it's were we give up all our ego and thought that we're self sufficient and recognize that if we want to do anything, we need to realize that Gd needs to help us with every tiny step. I SO freaking badly want to wake up at 5am every morning to run! And for the past year, NOPE WE SNOOZE. This month my intention will be to submit my ego into hashem, and ask HIM to help me get out of bed every morning, because i can't do it on my own, and i know that it will happen because if we let Gd flow through us, amazing things can happen, even the grittiest of things we never thought we could do.

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